Leading To Relationships That Last:
To attract love starts from within. When we meet a partner and fall head over heels in true love we can
sometimes have the tendency to compare ourselves to them. Why wouldn’t we, we
find them attractive they are all we ever wanted. But it’s very important to
keep our own identity or there is the potential to damage our own self esteem. If we do, we can become dysfunctional in our relationships. At times we can feel like we aren’t as good or
special as others. When you look at what I just said, I have
said in different words - 'I measure myself against others and I don’t match up'. Well it all depends on what you measure. Once you realise that the measure of yourself is within your own choices you can then start
to understand that perpendicular self-esteem is so much more
important than linear self-esteem. This tip can then lead to the ability to understand the attract love concept.
Linear self-esteem traps us into a very simplistic
comparison of ourselves against something and removes the balance that allows
us to realise what we have to offer as an individual. As an example you compare yourself to somebody who is extremely attractive and you say to yourself - 'I wish I was as attractive as that and it’s
a pain that I never will be'. Well that individual that you are comparing
yourself against may be more beautiful than you but may lack in so many
different areas that you excel in. Most of the time this comparison doesn’t
cause us issues but sometimes we don’t balance our thoughts with positives. With a perpendicular approach we can be more
compassionate with ourselves. When I compare myself to someone who is far
more attractive than myself I think 'wow, they are so attractive'. The
difference is subtle and simple but notice I haven’t actually measured
myself against their beauty only acknowledged it. This then allows you to be positive about yourself, which is attractive to others.
For me it doesn’t matter they are more attractive than
myself, I simply accept their beauty. As individuals we all have so much to
offer in so many different ways, if we were to offer the same things as each
other to the world the world would be a boring place especially within a relationship. I ask myself this question – why would I set high
expectations of myself that I cannot keep when I know it will frustrate me
and make me feel bad, leading me to outwardly express that frustration in some
form, with the potential to damage my relationship which to others will make me unattractive. The key is to accept who we
are as individuals and understand that we all bring great things into our own
and others' lives but in different ways at different times. If we learn to think like this it can have a huge impact on our relationships.
Having self-esteem that allows you to feel good about
yourself is not arrogant or conceited it is simply having a strong anchor of
the sense of self and knowing you are as good as the next. This kind of thought process allows you to compromise, leading to the ability to accept yourself and then allowing you to attract love. It allows
you to move from being demanding of yourself to preferring of yourself. This then has the potential to play out in your relationships so you become preferring of others not demanding, which allows others to more easily communicate and be attracted to you.
This way of thinking has made me understand and be able to
be who I am in a relationship, I can attract love because
I don’t measure myself against others with judgement. If we feel equivalent to our
partner we can have a relationship on a level that suits both. This allows
both to grow and develop as individuals and as a couple.
I prefer perfection but I don’t demand it. From myself or others.