use the smart model of learning
with these twelve
self help relationship books

Self help relationship books

Change Your Life with Self Help Relationship Books Bringing Stability Love And Happiness

It seems that the world is full of self help books. It’s a great thing that we now have much easier access and exposure to all the self development techniques, help books and more that we need. We can learn so much about ourselves from understanding human behaviours which is why I state these books as self help relationship books. Not only do they help us within our relationships with others they actually start by improving our relationship with ourselves. When we look at ideas and techniques found in these books it is very easy to get lost in the jungle of information and loose our perspective on what we were originally looking for. I have read many self help and development books over recent years for both my career and personal development and have benefited on both a self level and in my relationships.

The Twelve Top Self  Help Relationship Books

feel the fear book

Feel the fear:

Really taught me how to stop worrying and live in the now. Massively improved my composure in any situation by simply not putting the importance on it to the point that it became a negative force.

enter your own heart book

Entering your own heart:

The whole book is a golden nugget. One of the biggest influencing books I have read that helped me learn to accept who I am, be compassionate to myself and to others. Brilliant.

Crucial conversations:

Great all round book for understanding how to deal with difficult conversations. What to look for in others reactions to help you understand what frame of mind they are in and how you to react to it. Plus more.

Woman in her own right:

Excellent general book to learn and understand communication. The impacts it can have and the different techniques that can be adopted to deal with situations.

Assertiveness For Earth Angels

Another golden nugget, this book fixed my assertive abilities and really clarified who comes first in my life. I couldn't recommend this book enough. A life changer for me.

The Power Of Habit:

If you want to learn how to change this is a great book. A great self-help book if you want to understand the power of your subconscious and how you need to take control.

F##k It:

Made me realise the balance in life. Get everything in perspective and almost everything has its perspective blown out of proportion, once you grasp that, life becomes more manageable in so many ways. 

How to win friends:

The first self-development book I ever read, it certainly did a great job of starting the journey to improving the relationship I have with myself and realising you get more from others by friendship and assertion not aggression.

The 7 habits:

What is success, this book allows you to define that question yourself, which is why I liked it so much. So simplistic yet so enlightening. Lots of golden nuggets in this book.

Resolving Conflicts:

Although it is work based, I found this a brilliant introduction to conflict explaining psychological terms and skills to over come conflict. Great all rounder.

Argue to win:

Great book with a golden nugget in the loose in love section, big learning for me on compromise and how sometimes others come first but ultimately you win.

The Games People Play:

An amazing insight into how the human mind works in the realms of human relationships. If you want to understand what people think even at a subconscious level this is the book for you. A highly effective relationship self help book.

Self Help Relationship Books

What I personally found was that some books will have one nugget of learning that was worth reading the whole book to find and other books don’t have that single nugget, however they deliver a great perspective of the topic that they are covering and an in-depth learning of the subject matter at hand. The big challenge for me was how to gauge if I had learnt anything from the readings and indeed changed in anyway with any benefit from reading these self help relationship books. We can read all the books in the world but if we don’t have some form of structure to understand if we have benefited then we will never know if we have truly developed ourselves for the better. The first and biggest hurdle is self-awareness. We must be truly open and honest with ourselves and those around us about where we truly are in the given development area we are looking at. Only then can any self-help relationship books truly work.

If we are not fully aware we start our path from a false pretence setting ourselves up for failure. Secondly we will not have an honest point to which to start to put in place a measure and target structure to drive the change we are looking for. If there is one thing I have learnt in my career as a manager it is: If we don’t have a standard we can’t measure success to indicate if we are progressing to our target and we might as well not bother. So once we are truly open with ourselves and others around us we can have our start point. When we learn a new understanding of a competency of our character and identify how we want that competency to look when we have finished we have a success point, I refrain from using the words end point as some will continue beyond the success indicator chosen and develop further.

However you can run the risk of over self-developing which can then turn into a strength that is over played and the potential for some negative impact exists. The best form of measure I have used that works for me is to chunk down into three sections: target-measure-review. It’s very simple but I find it very effective and I will share it later, but first I have shared my twelve top self-help relationship books below. All of these self-help books are very close to my heart and taught me so much about life and myself and how it all goes together. They may not be the self-help relationship books that you are looking for but to me they are the most important books in the world.


Firstly you must set out a statement of intent of the change in relationship with yourself:

I Get:– Very angry quickly when confronted with something I disagree with.

I Want:– To be able to stay calm through a confrontation when dealing with something I disagree with.

The statements give a start point and end goal which now enables a measure to be used. The measure is eighty per cent of the work which I will return to in a moment. The first twenty per cent is where we set out our learning’s.

10%- Learning from reading or a form of media. Which is where the self-help relationship books reading starts?

10%- Identify someone who is already good at the things you are trying to change. Try to understand their behaviours, if possible think of someone you know or have some form of relationship with. Spend time with them for a while and be upfront and ask them; what is it that you think makes you good at this? You will be surprised how they will like to share.

Now back to the 80%: This is where you have to prove the change. This is were we measure.

It requires self-awareness, once you have read or watched the media that has the learning that you want to implement and done a little work with someone that is already good at it you can put the learning into practice.

40%-  This is the situation I put / got / happened to me and this is the behaviour I would have used before my self-help had started.

40%-  I didn’t behave in my old style and these are the ways I changed my behaviours and relationship with myself.

You may not be successful at your first attempt but you can gauge an improvement if one happened, in the example above you may not of got angry to begin with and indeed managed through the conflict for ten minutes before getting angry, nine minutes longer than before - now that is success! You need now to ask yourself what did I learn from the first ten minutes - what could I have done differently - what did I not implement from my learning’s that I can do next time to further my success. Return to your chosen self-help relationship books and re-focus on the learning ready for the next time.

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