Learn The Art Of Building A Relationship
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improved emotional intelligence

Building a relationship

Building a relationship successfully requires work. So were should we focus our time and effort to help nurture a partnership to make it a success and last. Our emotional intelligence is not measured by one single facet of ourselves. There are many aspects of our emotional and intelligent selves that entwine to make us who we are and impact our capability to build a relationship successfully. That said research has shown that there are two basic measures that can be used to create an understanding of our romantic intelligence. These two aspects are:

Understanding and coping.

However these two aspects must be underpinned by consistency. If we can consistently deal and purvey the ability to cope and understand our emotional state it is safe to say that this indicates a level of emotional intelligence as we show the ability to deliver a measured repeated behavioural pattern that has been reflected upon. This plays a big part of success when building a relationship. The importance of emotional intelligence is evident in many committed partnerships and these are the ones that create a loving, lasting, fulfilling experience more likely to succeed and flourish. If both partners within a committed relationship have the ability to share and let things be shared then the chances of building a relationship were both partners can flourish and feel cared for and loved is much more likely.


If we want to improve our emotional intelligence we have two options. Firstly we can travel life's path and leave it to chance that we grow and learn as we experience our own life events, however if we do not possess the skills to understand what we should be doing with our learning's then how are we to transfer these experiences into learning's that lead to positive change. The second is to seek out skills to put into place we can use to drive positive change and integrate them into building a relationship. Much research has been done within the business world concerning interpersonal skills and cognitive learning that helps drive performance of workers. These performance drivers are actually based on inner learning and awareness of ourselves including our challenges and strengths. The first step towards the ability to grow emotional intelligence skills is to look at our self-awareness. We all have a view of ourselves but others have different views of us, so firstly we must be open to feedback from others on how we impact their experience of our interactions.

If we can openly accept this type of feedback and then analyse it for ourselves we can open up a wider view of ourselves that incorporates the views of others and not just our own perception of ourselves. The simplest form of practising this type of feedback is to use a model called S.B.I. This allows you to deliver and receive feedback based on facts alone using feelings. Feelings cannot be argued with. Our feelings are our own and we need to respect the feelings of others regardless of our own. The three basic steps of S.B.I are:

Situation:- Explain the situation that the feedback is based on, an event that has just happened or something that happened recently that invoked a feeling you want to share.

Behaviours:- Explain the behaviours of that event that you witnessed or were involved in that drove your feelings positive or negative.

Impact:- Share the feelings you felt - positive or negative, it's important to use this feedback method to share good feeling as well as difficult feelings.

This type of sharing can have a huge impact on ourselves and others, it helps drive positive thoughts within ourselves as we learn to share our feelings easier and it and enlightens others on how we truly feel, which at times can be very difficult to read without direct specific sharing. Within committed relationships this can have a huge positive impact. This simple technique can feel awkward at first but the more it is used the more natural it becomes. Once we start to use it within building a relationship we are taking steps to developing and sharing our emotional intelligence. However the key to success is within the acceptance of the feedback, we must learn to not challenge the feedback directly, only absorb it, think about it and then act upon it accepting it and learning what we can do differently.

Spotting Emotional Intelligence:
Feelings Create Thoughts Invoking Emotions producing Behaviours.

Interpersonal - The ability to relate to others
Intrapersonal - The ability to know your own feelings and drivers
Perceiving Emotions - The ability to identify emotions in yourself and others
Thought facilitation - Using emotion to think and communicate
Managing emotion - The ability to moderate emotion to manage behaviour
Empathy - The ability to appreciate and accept the feelings of others.

Building A Relationship
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