define what you need in love
using our dating quiz to
define attachment types
The dating quiz was first used in the 1980's to determine if our childhood expectations carried on into our adult lives. Through the experiment it was confirmed that we do indeed carry these initial influences with us through life. The dating quiz makes three statements from which you should only find one that you agree with. The one chosen statement gives a clear understanding of your wants and needs from a serious relationship. The quiz also gives you an understanding of how some of your reactions and behaviours come about. Once you have carried out the quiz you will find out if you are one of three types:
Secure - Anxious - Avoidance
The Dating Quiz Statements
1.
- I find it relatively easy to get close to others and I am comfortable to depend on them. I don't often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to me.
YOU ARE SECURE ATTACHMENT
2.
- I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesn't really love me or want to stay with me. I want to get very close to my partner and this sometimes scares people away.
YOU ARE ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT
3.
- I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others, I find it difficult to trust them completely and difficult to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets to close and often love partners want me to be more intimate than I feel comfortable being.
YOU ARE AVOIDANCE ATTACHMENT
Now you have agreed with one of the above statements from the dating quiz you have determined your attachment style. Below you will see a section for each type of style and some examples of typical behaviours that those individuals may display. Remember that these are theoretical examples and may seem harsh to read. In reality individuals may show one, two or all of the examples and to different extents of severity.
Secure Attachment Behaviours
|
Under Stress |
I want to solve problems. I strive to communicate clearly. I stay on subject specific to the debate if in conflict. |
|
Sensitive Vigilance |
I am not really over sensitive especially in my relationships. |
|
Feelings On Intimacy |
I like to be close to my partner but also enjoy my own space. |
|
Your View On Your Partners Feelings |
I look to support and help my partner just like I hope they would me. |
|
When Apart |
I miss my partner but I am safe with it and get on with what I need to. |
|
The Driving Force Of The Relationship |
We both take turns at appropriate times and look to satisfy both needs. |
|
Dealing With A Breakup |
I feel hurt for a time, but soon realise I deserve to be loved and seek a new partner. |
Anxious Attachment Behaviours
|
Under Stress |
I get upset and make accusations and easily sulk. |
|
Sensitive Vigilance |
Looking for signs of rejection. |
|
Feelings On Intimacy |
If I show my feelings I will be labelled as needy and others may go away. |
|
Your View On Your Partners Feelings |
My priority is for them to feel love for me, I worry they will lose interest if I am not the best I can be. |
|
When Apart |
If left for a long time I get fearful others may leave me, but I calm easily if timely gestures are part of the relationship. |
|
The Driving Force Of The Relationship |
I rely on my partner to drive the relationship almost all of the time, if they leave I may never find someone else. |
|
Dealing With A Breakup |
I find it very hard to move on and I blame myself. |
Avoidance Attachment Behaviours
|
Under Stress |
I close down communication so I don't have to deal with it and in my mind I run my partner down. |
|
Sensitive Vigilance |
I look for signs of being tied down or over expectancy of myself. |
|
Feelings On Intimacy |
I like my space. |
|
Your View On Your Partners Feelings |
I don't like drama, others feeling should be their own to manage and stand up to things. |
|
When Apart |
My deepest feelings are when we are not together, when we are together faults start to agitate me. |
|
The Driving Force Of The Relationship |
Being controlled makes me want to leave. |
|
Dealing With A Breakup |
It's in the past and I move on. |
The examples above are by no means definitive. However it is a great way to start to understand styles, those styles will ultimately govern our dating and relationships. If we can find the partner that best suits our style we are then on a good road to relationship success.
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