How To Build your confidence
by living in the now
give yourself options When love happens

Love happens

When love happens we need to be ready, it can happen at anytime and catch us completely unaware as it thrusts into our lives with no warning. Those initial exchanges and first few weeks with somebody can get you caught up in all the excitement and when you calm down you realise you may have just found what could be the love of your life, this is when nervousness and anxiety may set in. We start to worry about losing what we have just found instead of concentrating on building the relationship. Anxiety can affect us because we don’t want to lose the true love we hope we have found and really cling on when love happens.

I like to describe anxiety as fear of the future. We find ourselves in a situation with an unknown person with high hopes for the future but surrounded by uncertainty. At this point we can start to fortune tell about if love happens, using phrases such as; I wish, I hope, if only. The biggest anxiety driver statement of all is the what if statement.

  • What if I can’t think of anything to say.
  • what if he/she doesn’t like me.
  • what if I spill my drink.

Well what if love doesn't happen?

You are who you are and they will love you or not, we must not fear rejection. If they love you then it will grow naturally, worry is only a waste of energy and time and can become destructive.

The negative power of  'what if '
is never ending but only if you let it.

So how do we counter the what if syndrome. One of the best techniques is:

The End Game Technique

You can counter every what if statement by taking it to its end game. In order to do so you must have perspective. You must get what you are doing in to total perspective.

Ask Yourself this:– Am I doing anything that is against the law?
Is anybody going to get hurt or die?
Do I really want to do this for the right reasons?

The first two questions are generally answered by facts and if the answer is no, then you have little to be concerned about, the third is a little trickier. You must be truthful with yourself. Every opportunity we get in life has options. If an opportunity brings success we get one list of options, if the opportunity is unsuccessful we get another list of options. The key thing to remember is:

we will always get a list of options.

It is just a different list. Fear of failure only holds as much power as you give it. If you recognise failure as just another list of options that you will enjoy working through fear will have no place.

As an example, let’s use a 'what if' statement:

 What if he does not like me?
End Game:
He’s allowed not to like me. I like me, so I will enjoy the moment, go home and look at what my new options are.

What if I spill my drink?
 End Game:
I might look silly, then I will laugh at myself, I will make a silly joke, go to the bar, look at my options and buy a new drink.

If somebody doesn’t like me for that
then that is their concern not mine.

You can see from both examples that what if is generally driven by the inner concern of something or someone not liking you. Remember if you like yourself then you always have that new list of options waiting for you. This type of thinking counters fortune telling, reduces anxiety and allows your true self to flourish and grow. In order to create mindful liberation and allow love to happen stop predicting the future and live in the now. Avoidance is sometimes not an option when true love happens, but perspective is. This helps free us from our anxieties, lets our real personality shine and allows us to enjoy the journey of life.

 So take your fears to the end game and release yourself from worry:
Live In The Now And Create a list of whole new options.

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