The dating life can be tough, it can be a long hard road when in search of love. Sometimes like many things in life
we can start to get the blues and potentially get a little depressed. One of the rules for dating is that we bounce back quickly and make sure we get back to feeling good about ourselves quickly. So if you start to feel a little low what can you do to help
recover. Low level emotions of feeling down are usually based on
thoughts of the past and thoughts of how things may not have gone so well. If we can understand that the blues
are based on dissatisfied memories of what has happened then we are on our way to dealing with our dating life.
In my own experience I was unaware of what depressive
feelings were, in the simplest form they are feelings that make us change
from the want to attitude to a must do attitude. Very
subtle in words but a huge impact on our emotions. In worse cases the must do attitude can lead to loss of motivation and questioning why we are doing things, especially if things seem not to go our way. The reality is that this is basically a form of feeling sorry for yourself. So to overcome these thoughts and emotions I try to do the
following, for me they work pretty well.
Get It In Perspective
This is a tough one but the reality is, if you haven’t done anything against the law, or caused trouble for anyone, then it’s just part of the journey. Life has a funny way of coming together in the end. So although it may cause a little frustration don’t think badly of yourself because things have not gone your way, we are not in control of everything that happens in our lives especially when we are looking for a dating match.
As long as we are doing our best in the here and now then we can be proud of ourselves. Things affect us depending on how much meaning we give them, evaluate how much true meaning something has and remind yourself that meaning is a brightly coloured box full of pain. In other words we can over emphasise how much meaning something has to us and then we paint it a pretty colour so it attracts us to it, we then concentrate on it because we found it interesting. However it has no use to us, so shut the box put it away and open a box you know has fun it and carry on with the dating life you want.
Choose Your Thoughts
If you are having low thoughts think of them as clouds floating across the sky. Choose to look at the clouds with the down thoughts on them and whisk them out of the sky, in your mind push them away out of sight with your hand. Then say to yourself - not today, that thought can float away, goodbye. Another technique to use is the CCTV technique, watch your thoughts like you are watching a CCTV camera, accept what you are seeing but then, switch cameras if you don’t like the thoughts and move on to the next.
Give Yourself A Break
If what you are doing is becoming something that you have stopped enjoying then give it a break for a while, it will still be waiting when you go back to it. Do something else in life for a while that you enjoy and leave the dating life behind, this will help to raise your mood. You may love dating but if it all gets too much then it's time for a break. Dating mistakes happen to all of us, so you are not alone, there are so many people that have been through dating disasters but we must balance that with the over whelming evidence that love when dating does happen.
Live For The Now
Try to think about the now, instead of looking backwards to the past. It can be so easy to fall into the trap of studying all the things that have happened in the past but over analysing ends up becoming disruptive to us. So say to yourself - that was then but this is now. Another great way to learn to live in the now is to start to practice mindfulness, this allows you to clear your mind and bring you back to the present. So if serious dating is getting tough maybe it could be an idea to try some casual flirting, taking the expectation away for a while.
Being in the doldrums can be tuff, invite a friend or relative over that you know can help cheer you up. Often a simple remark at the right time is enough to make us smile. If you are on your own and want to try to lift your mood a favourite saying is – the doldrums are boring, just go do something less boring instead, then go do! I use all of these techniques from time to time to help lift myself. I am sure there are more, but I use these as my rules for dating!
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